So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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