When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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