her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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