can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize