It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
