he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
