I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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