My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
