Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
