Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
