at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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