i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
