It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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