I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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