Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
