my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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