just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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