??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize