first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
