Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
