why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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