dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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