I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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