my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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