I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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