Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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