The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
