I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
