You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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