i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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