we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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