It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
