i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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