ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
