god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
