I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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