Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
