Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
