So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
