I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
