I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
