wanna go halves on a baby?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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