you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
