The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
