insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
