I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
