I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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