he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
