my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I cannot find my penis.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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