dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
