you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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