It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
