so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
