everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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