there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
