Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
