dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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