Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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