The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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