I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
