i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she peed on how many people?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
