Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
