u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
