I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
