Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
